YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE


I can remember a time when my life was solely based on pleasing others…yep, I was a “yes mayum”. It seemed that I only found comfort in who I was if people liked me, or admired me for something. I loved me when someone else loved who I was, I thought I was pretty when someone else told me I was pretty, I thought I was smart if someone told me I was smart.  For some reason it was difficult to believe these things on my own accord. I began searching for my purpose in what people defined and categorized me as. “She said I was great with kids, maybe I’ll become a teacher”, “Your really nice and caring Jennifer, maybe you should become a nurse”. I moved about life in this matter and thought nothing of it. It was only when I started to read the Word and understand just Who I belonged to that this began to change for me. I won’t dare tell you it was easy and I certainly won’t tell you that I don’t still struggle every now and again… I  just was not consumed with others opinions. I’m just being honest with ya!

I remember a time in my life when everything began to change, I started thinking and acting differently, nothing was about me. I felt great about who I was, even if I wasn’t where I was supposed to be; I was cool. I embraced who I was; every victory, every flaw. And then it happened…

I had finally reached a peak, just when I was getting a handle of who I was–I remember being in a relationship with someone that I thought would last forever. I was on cloud 500 LOL! But one day they looked me straight in the eye and told me that they weren’t attracted to me. Told me that I wasn’t exactly their type. I just sat there…I didn’t know what to say, how to react. This was devastating to me. This to me was like a relapse for an addict. I had been sucker punched in the stomach by someone that I loved. I was confused, angry, hurt… I immediately regressed to the “Old Jennifer”. I began to wander into my thoughts, his words became “blah, blah, blah” and I began to hear… “should I lose weight”, “maybe I should dress different”, “maybe it’s the way I wear my hair or the way I talk”, “maybe it’s because I always drop food on my clothes” ( I really do LOL). I became obsessed with trying to figure out what was wrong with me. This couldn’t be…everyone had to like me and think I was attractive, smart and funny… right? WRONG!

For months I held resentment in my heart, I began to check out of the relationship and become detached. Every hug felt fake, I was obsessed in thinking that nothing was no longer real. I wondered what my purpose was in the relationship.  Was everything said to me before a lie? I took what was said to me and carried it with me; it became a weight on my back and my heart. I admired this person, I valued their opinion, I wanted to know that when they were out with me, they felt great about having me alongside them.  Now I’m sure your wondering, “uhhh, why did you stay?” I stayed because I was determined to solve this “problem”. In my mind I knew I could make someone like me and think I was attractive…after all there was nothing wrong with me. I had my flaws like anyone else, but overall I was a great person. So the entire situation just wouldn’t click for me. How can someone I have invested time and energy into building a relationship to just discard me and my feelings in such a way? I cried everyday, feeling horrible about myself and angry at allowing myself to feel this way.

And then I was reminded of this:

“…God made humans in his image
      reflecting God’s very nature.
   You’re here to bear fruit, reproduce,
      lavish life on the Earth, live bountifully!” {Genesis 9:6}

Peaches, why are you up at 4:13am writing this post?! I couldn’t sleep. I need to tell you what I know and rest in now.  Since you are made in God’s image, then you take on His attributes. I had to remind someone that you are wonderfully and fearfully made in the image of Christ. You are smart, you have a TON to offer this world, you have a gift inside of you that the world is waiting for. You are amazing, you are funny, you have a great smile, your hair looks great, you are very attractive, your clothes look fine and if no one else loves you, you have Christ who loves you unconditionally–and that’s enough love to last a lifetime. You are exactly who you are supposed to be; exactly who God designed you to be. Who cares if you drop food on your clothes ;), who cares if someone thinks your not that cute, who cares if someone thinks your too skinny/fat, who cares if your hair is short or long, who cares if you have skinny fingers or stubby toes-You are who you are.

I told you my story, not for us to have a pity-party and feel bad for Peaches. I told you that story because it’s important to know that the enemy will do whatever he can to keep you from staying in God’s will for your life. He will attack in the very areas he knows you struggle with. You MUST remain steadfast, alert and prayed up. Find something you enjoy and makes you feel good about you. Stop trying to “discover your purpose” without first seeking God. The Word tells us:

You’re here to bear fruit, reproduce,
      lavish life on the Earth, live bountifully!” {Genesis 9:6}

“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. {Matthew 6:30-33}

I thank God for that moment in my life. As much as it hurt my heart to the core, I was able to learn that I lost focus on Who really mattered. As soon as I allowed someone’s opinion of me to define my worth, I lost my value. We ALL have relationships that create pivotal moments in our lives; they are what I like to call “turning point relationships”- the ones you learn a lesson from. We can either allow it to make us or break us.

It was a situation that I replayed in my head daily at one time; now I have replaced those thoughts with what God says about me. He never lies and only has my best interest in mind and most of all, I trust Him. I find peace and comfort resting in the Lord’s promise and assurances. I know who and Whose I am!

Love Ya!

Peaches

EXCEL : LOVE : EXPLORE

About What Would Jenn Say?!

I am a spunky chick who can't stand mediocrity who discovered her love of writing and decided to blog about life, love, food fashion and everything in between!! Welcome too my world!

Posted on August 4, 2011, in Motivate and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Wow! This is exactly how I felt and some days even now still feel after my 17 year marriage ended. Chewed up and spat out like I didn’t matter. I still struggle with the need for closure, but I realize I’ll never have it. I strive everyday to move on …
    Your transparency has blessed me. Thanks for sharing this. I am His and He is mine! I will get this down in my spirit……..;-)

    • I cannot even begin to tell you how difficult it was for me to write this post- being transparent on my blog was something that I feared…something that I did not want to do. But to feel the support, love, understanding is amazing. Most of all to know that my story blessed you touches me. I thank God for waking me up at 4am if this post will help usher you into a place where you can move on. I too am still learning to press forward and embrace just who I am as well as finding closure. I am learning to allow God to be my closure and I encourage you to do the same–He is the only one who can close that door and open doors to new opportunities and new beginnings for you (and me ;)). Love you anonymous…your beautiful/handsome and it is def your ex’s loss ;). Be blessed and Be a blessing!

  2. Whoever this person is you’ve referenced in this post sucks big time!!!! Hurt people hurt others because they’re dealing with some type of void or lack. No one deserves the feel that way in a relationship. We must know our worth! Once we determine this reality, foolishness from anyone won’t be tolerated! God loves us and gives us insight and revelation to things and people who don’t belong in our life. Since he has given us dominion on this earth, we have to be strong and smart enough to know when to let go. God wants what’s best for us, but he have to stay focused on him and he will ALWAYS lead us down the right path. God is in us so he’s hurt when we’re hurting. NEVER setting for less than what god has you.

    2 Timothy 1:7…
    “For god hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”
    NEVER be afraid!
    Never be afraid to be the great person god has made you!
    Never be afraid to seek your happiness!
    Use the power and sound mind gave you!

  3. Sorry for the double post, but I just realized that we both have our tag sections titled “Tag, Your It!” Thought that was funny. 😛

    • So I’m sorry for the double post LOL but I went to visit your blog page and what do I see…? ” A blog about any and everything…grammatical errors included.” SARA…I practically say those EXACT words on my blog’s home page LOL!!! We are def. twins! LOL!

  4. I can relate to some of what you posted. I used to confide in what others would say about me, used to believe what others said about me were actually true, but I’ve learned the hard way to appreciate who I am including all my imperfections. 🙂
    Being happy with who you are is the greatest feeling ever.
    And very lovely post. 🙂

    • It is thee most liberating feeling ever Sara…you’re so right! It was a tough process to get through…and I am still a work in progress…but I surely feel soooooo much better about me!!! Thank you so much for your comment…good to know I wasn’t alone and someone understood 🙂 and you already know “GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE!” re. “tag, your it” lol!!!

      • Don’t worry, you are never alone! There is always somebody out there that feels the exact same way.

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