5 WAYS TO KNOW YOU’RE HEADED FOR DIVORCE.


I came across this show called Unfaithful : Stories of Betrayal  on OWN and was in shock at the transparency and honesty each couple displayed during each episode. Check out a clip below:

Watching this show I was amazed to see that many of the couples share the same exact issues. So with the numerous amount of friends and family that I have getting ready to tie the knot this and next year, I wanted to share with you 5 ways to know you are headed for divorce. Did you know that 50% of couples that walk down the aisle will get a divorce? 50%!! That number is WAY too high!! If marriage is supposed to be a ministry, I ask you, how are you setting an example for your friends and family who are looking to you to know what marriage is all about? If you are married, is how you and your husband are in public, how you behave at home? This (long ;)) post is to help you understand what things NOT to do in your marriage so that you do not become a statistic for divorce, but a statistic among successful marriages!

  1. YOUR SPOUSE IS NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND. This sounds simple enough. Every great marriage has a strong friendship as the foundation ; but this means so much more than just someone you share a laugh or two with occasionally. A lot of times we enter into our marriages already having 1 or 2 best friend(s) or even our parents are our BFF’s, but your friendship with your spouse MUST take precedent over any other human friendship. (I say human because God should be your 1st BFF ;)). In this case, you have to begin training yourself, friends and family members to understand who your new BFF is. Start sharing things with your spouse that you do not share with others. This helps to build a bond and intimacy among the both you, which also helps to create a trust worthy environment. If you are comfortable sharing everything with your spouse, you’ll be able to practice open and honest communication at all times. This comes with spending true, quality time with one another and constantly “dating”. Contrary to what anyone tells you, you NEVER stop dating and pursuing your spouse. Treat everyday like it is the first time you two have met. Now, I am not saying go into complete isolation and revolve your world around this one person LOL! But, you must understand the enemy does NOT like marriage, he will attack your union anyway that he can. You and your spouse are going to be the only two on the front lines of battle, the last mentality you want is “every man for himself” you too are in this together and need to treat your lives as such. {Genesis 2:24 – “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” }
  2. YOUR CHILDREN OR PETS HAVE SEEN YOU NAKED MORE THAN YOUR SPOUSE. Oh, yes I did LOL! How many times have you undressed or changed in front of your kids or the goldfish in your room?! Do you know that lack of intimacy among married couples is included in the top 5 reasons couples get a divorce? Intimacy does not always include sexual intimacy; it could be holding hands, hugging, kissing , spending quality time together etc.  Many of us respond to touch, feeling desired and wanted. We need to feel the touch of another human, especially our spouse. Think about it. We want a pat on the back for a job well done, a hug from a long lost family member, imagine going a long length of time without a touch from your spouse. This easily affects self-esteem and can cause division. Generally, couples who are involved in sexless marriages are not happy in their relationship, they have unmet needs. In a report, it was found that happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being.  During a 1993 study, it was found that people in sexless marriages were more likely to have considered divorce than those in sexually active marriages. When there is an unmet need, the enemy is cunning in using that as a way to cause division in the union. There is also a higher chance adultery will occur and you NEVER want your spouse to seek outside of your marriage to fill an unmet need. Keep the lines of communication open at all times and be honest with your spouse about what you need. {1 Corinthians 7:3-5 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.}
  3. YOU HIDE “PURCHASES” IN THE TRUNK OR THE CLOSET. Now if you are a serial “hider of purchases” you not only have a problem being honest with your spouse, but you also have issues being honest with yourself. Unless you purchased a gift as a surprise and needed to hide it, there is no reason to hide anything from your spouse. If you do not share your spending habits, you might be tempted to hide and shield other information from your spouse.  This is a habit you do not want to pick  up. Once again, being open and honest with your mate will prevent problems in the future. You NEVER want your spouse to discover something you have been hiding; be open to share at all times. “Purchases” can be anything from bags from bloomies to shielding who you  feel really are. Never hide behind who you think your spouse or anyone wants you to be or who you think your spouse wants. BE YOU! It will set you and your marriage free. {Proverbs 11:3 – The integrity of the honest keeps them on track; 
       the deviousness of crooks brings them to ruin.}
  4. YOUR FACEBOOK “FRIENDS” & TWITTER PEEPS LIKE YOU MORE THAN YOUR SPOUSE LIKES YOU. In a society where a lot of our time is spent on the internet and social networking it has become a full-time job to manage your social accounts! It is a world where we control how we are portrayed, we can say what we want, when we want it with hardly any repercussion. But when all of your energy is put into constantly communicating with people over the internet and portraying a life that you desire to have, you begin to form emotional connections and responsibilities to people and things that are not more important than channeling that same energy into your household. If you cannot go a full hour without checking your FB account, tweeting something, posting to Tumblr, recording a YouTube video, then I will pose to you that you may have a problem. Granted, I understand many people make a living off of social networking, there are many bloggers, Vloggers, and even businesses that are doing it big off of social networking,  but when it starts to follow you to the dinner table, or your in bed with your spouse updating your FB status or your quality time includes checking to see how many new followers you have, it’s becoming too much. There should always be a healthy balance of attention given to your spouse in your household. You must make time to ensure the same way you are building relationships across the net is the same way you are building up your marriage.  Bottom line, when it’s all said and done there will be one person standing by your side and you want them to know that they are valued and appreciated no matter what! Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. {Enjoy life with the wife /husband you love all the days of your fleeting life. ~ Ecclesiastes 9:9}
  5. YOU DON’T FORGIVE. This is plain and simple. Whenever we enter into a relationship, especially a marriage we have a habit of entering with  TON of expectations, some of them set VERY high. With extremely high expectations comes the possibility of disappointment, frustration and resentment. YOU MUST LEARN TO FORGIVE in a marriage. Your spouse is going to do something every single day that will hurt  you, disappoint you and may even shock and offend you, I guarantee it! But you MUST learn to forgive. Forgiveness is you allowing a wall to come down and for love, peace and communication to flow through. Forgiveness is essential to the growing of your marriage. Marriage is not easy and it will not always be a walk in the park. But it is the most rewarding experiences you will ever have as long as you are willing to work for it. The key word here…WORK! {Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9}

Feel free to share any advice you may have for our engaged and newlywed readers out there!! Leave a comment below or email me at watwldjennsay@aol.com!

Love Ya!

Peaches

EXCEL : LOVE : EXPLORE

About What Would Jenn Say?!

I am a spunky chick who can't stand mediocrity who discovered her love of writing and decided to blog about life, love, food fashion and everything in between!! Welcome too my world!

Posted on April 23, 2012, in Motivate and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. This is a great post Jenn. Failure in every area listed was a factor in my divorcing after 17 years of marriage. The lines of communication MUST be open at all times. It is imperative in every area of the relationship. Truly once you lose the trust, and communication breaks diwn… Every thing comes to a halt. The enemy has a shoe in. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I hope to have the opportunity again to meet and develop the level of trust, companship an intimacy of a marriage ordained by God. Superb advice!!!!

  2. I’m coming up on two years in marital bliss, am I still considered a newlywed?! Well anyway, I have to bear witness to the truth of this post! I had a conversation with a friend once about the operation of finances in my marriage. She was almost shocked when I told her that we share every nickel. There’s no hidden money; no secrets. If I spend he knows, and if he spends it I know. Now, I’m not saying that my way is the “right” way. We just did what worked for us. It was good, though, because it established trust between us as it pertains to money. Now that we’ve been married a little longer we both have pocket money that we can do what we please with, but I appreciate the foundation that was set. I don’t say any of this to brag or boast, only to further exclaim your post. Truth. Absolute truth! Great job, Jenn!

    • Thank you soooo much Chanta! and i would def count you as a newlywed! I think you can be married for 30 years and be a newlywed 😉 Thank you soooo much for sharing what works for you and your spouse! I really appreciate your feedback and you taking the time to share!!

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