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I came across this show called Unfaithful : Stories of Betrayal  on OWN and was in shock at the transparency and honesty each couple displayed during each episode. Check out a clip below:

Watching this show I was amazed to see that many of the couples share the same exact issues. So with the numerous amount of friends and family that I have getting ready to tie the knot this and next year, I wanted to share with you 5 ways to know you are headed for divorce. Did you know that 50% of couples that walk down the aisle will get a divorce? 50%!! That number is WAY too high!! If marriage is supposed to be a ministry, I ask you, how are you setting an example for your friends and family who are looking to you to know what marriage is all about? If you are married, is how you and your husband are in public, how you behave at home? This (long ;)) post is to help you understand what things NOT to do in your marriage so that you do not become a statistic for divorce, but a statistic among successful marriages!

  1. YOUR SPOUSE IS NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND. This sounds simple enough. Every great marriage has a strong friendship as the foundation ; but this means so much more than just someone you share a laugh or two with occasionally. A lot of times we enter into our marriages already having 1 or 2 best friend(s) or even our parents are our BFF’s, but your friendship with your spouse MUST take precedent over any other human friendship. (I say human because God should be your 1st BFF ;)). In this case, you have to begin training yourself, friends and family members to understand who your new BFF is. Start sharing things with your spouse that you do not share with others. This helps to build a bond and intimacy among the both you, which also helps to create a trust worthy environment. If you are comfortable sharing everything with your spouse, you’ll be able to practice open and honest communication at all times. This comes with spending true, quality time with one another and constantly “dating”. Contrary to what anyone tells you, you NEVER stop dating and pursuing your spouse. Treat everyday like it is the first time you two have met. Now, I am not saying go into complete isolation and revolve your world around this one person LOL! But, you must understand the enemy does NOT like marriage, he will attack your union anyway that he can. You and your spouse are going to be the only two on the front lines of battle, the last mentality you want is “every man for himself” you too are in this together and need to treat your lives as such. {Genesis 2:24 – “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” }
  2. YOUR CHILDREN OR PETS HAVE SEEN YOU NAKED MORE THAN YOUR SPOUSE. Oh, yes I did LOL! How many times have you undressed or changed in front of your kids or the goldfish in your room?! Do you know that lack of intimacy among married couples is included in the top 5 reasons couples get a divorce? Intimacy does not always include sexual intimacy; it could be holding hands, hugging, kissing , spending quality time together etc.  Many of us respond to touch, feeling desired and wanted. We need to feel the touch of another human, especially our spouse. Think about it. We want a pat on the back for a job well done, a hug from a long lost family member, imagine going a long length of time without a touch from your spouse. This easily affects self-esteem and can cause division. Generally, couples who are involved in sexless marriages are not happy in their relationship, they have unmet needs. In a report, it was found that happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being.  During a 1993 study, it was found that people in sexless marriages were more likely to have considered divorce than those in sexually active marriages. When there is an unmet need, the enemy is cunning in using that as a way to cause division in the union. There is also a higher chance adultery will occur and you NEVER want your spouse to seek outside of your marriage to fill an unmet need. Keep the lines of communication open at all times and be honest with your spouse about what you need. {1 Corinthians 7:3-5 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.}
  3. YOU HIDE “PURCHASES” IN THE TRUNK OR THE CLOSET. Now if you are a serial “hider of purchases” you not only have a problem being honest with your spouse, but you also have issues being honest with yourself. Unless you purchased a gift as a surprise and needed to hide it, there is no reason to hide anything from your spouse. If you do not share your spending habits, you might be tempted to hide and shield other information from your spouse.  This is a habit you do not want to pick  up. Once again, being open and honest with your mate will prevent problems in the future. You NEVER want your spouse to discover something you have been hiding; be open to share at all times. “Purchases” can be anything from bags from bloomies to shielding who you  feel really are. Never hide behind who you think your spouse or anyone wants you to be or who you think your spouse wants. BE YOU! It will set you and your marriage free. {Proverbs 11:3 – The integrity of the honest keeps them on track; 
       the deviousness of crooks brings them to ruin.}
  4. YOUR FACEBOOK “FRIENDS” & TWITTER PEEPS LIKE YOU MORE THAN YOUR SPOUSE LIKES YOU. In a society where a lot of our time is spent on the internet and social networking it has become a full-time job to manage your social accounts! It is a world where we control how we are portrayed, we can say what we want, when we want it with hardly any repercussion. But when all of your energy is put into constantly communicating with people over the internet and portraying a life that you desire to have, you begin to form emotional connections and responsibilities to people and things that are not more important than channeling that same energy into your household. If you cannot go a full hour without checking your FB account, tweeting something, posting to Tumblr, recording a YouTube video, then I will pose to you that you may have a problem. Granted, I understand many people make a living off of social networking, there are many bloggers, Vloggers, and even businesses that are doing it big off of social networking,  but when it starts to follow you to the dinner table, or your in bed with your spouse updating your FB status or your quality time includes checking to see how many new followers you have, it’s becoming too much. There should always be a healthy balance of attention given to your spouse in your household. You must make time to ensure the same way you are building relationships across the net is the same way you are building up your marriage.  Bottom line, when it’s all said and done there will be one person standing by your side and you want them to know that they are valued and appreciated no matter what! Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. {Enjoy life with the wife /husband you love all the days of your fleeting life. ~ Ecclesiastes 9:9}
  5. YOU DON’T FORGIVE. This is plain and simple. Whenever we enter into a relationship, especially a marriage we have a habit of entering with  TON of expectations, some of them set VERY high. With extremely high expectations comes the possibility of disappointment, frustration and resentment. YOU MUST LEARN TO FORGIVE in a marriage. Your spouse is going to do something every single day that will hurt  you, disappoint you and may even shock and offend you, I guarantee it! But you MUST learn to forgive. Forgiveness is you allowing a wall to come down and for love, peace and communication to flow through. Forgiveness is essential to the growing of your marriage. Marriage is not easy and it will not always be a walk in the park. But it is the most rewarding experiences you will ever have as long as you are willing to work for it. The key word here…WORK! {Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9}

Feel free to share any advice you may have for our engaged and newlywed readers out there!! Leave a comment below or email me at!

Love Ya!




Moving Past our Past to get to our Future

“Your past doesnt determine your future.” We hear it ALL the time. But do we really comprehend just how powerful this statement is? Our past is exactly that…our past. Its purpose is to shape us and reveal lessons that will help us with our future endeavors. Our past should be a reference of what NOT to do in our future. Everyday that you wake up you have a chance to create history. So if we know that every decision we make is shaping us and allowing us to “write” our stories… why is it so easy to allow others to shape and determine our futures? Why do we allow society to determine our worth and value when we know we are precious and priceless? In order for you to receive all that God has for you in your future you must make room! Carrying “luggage” from your past will only hinder you from receiving and tapping into new opportunities. And as much as I’d love to say this entry is for everyone…I am especially calling on our women and girls to grab hold of your destiny and never let go until its fulfilled.  

 Too often women and our precious girls allow our past to shape and dictate our future. Now im sure your thinking “Who is this chick Jenn talkin too? I don’t let anyone tell me who I am or where I’m going! Who does she think she is?! I know my value and worth!” My response, “God Bless You! That is awesome! But what about the women and young ladies you see everyday that may need you more than you know?” The ones you look down on because “she’s a hot one”; or the young lady that looks to have it all but has an empty look in her eyes. Are we pouring into each other? Are you taking that young lady and showing her that there are better ways to live? That she doesn’t have to sell herself for a Gucci bag and a ride in a BMW to feel like she’s worth something? Does she really know how much she’s loved or that Ray-Ray saying ” I love you” is really translation for “I got you”? So often women who can’t see a future look for it in the first one to claim to be able to provide one. They are desperate for love and attention they may have not received growing up. How do we show her that she doesn’t have to let the lack of love received throw her into grabbing love from anyone and anywhere? What about those girls who wake up everyday not sure why they are even here; the ones who see no purpose in living and are moving about life merely existing. The ones stuck in their past afraid their futures will reveal the same disappointments.

It is so easy for us to blame our past and cry and moan about what has happened to us, but it is time for us to allow the past to be a life lesson and claim our futures. Time for us to take an honest look at ourselves and deal with the issues that have kept us from progressing so that we can be secure in our futures. No more allowing BET or TV shows to dictate to us how to live, look or treat others. Stop allowing men to take advantage of your bodies and minds and learn to treat yourself and others with respect. Now I hear that voice again lol “NO she didn’t just say that! I know my worth!!” Again I say, ” You are fabulous! But im sure you know someone out there caught up in a situation you know they don’t need to be in. Have you tried talking to her? Encouraging her?  Have you been a role model?” So often we don’t want to “get involved” and then we wonder why our 14 and 15-year-old girls are pregnant but some still can’t read or write , let alone understand the forms they are filling out at the hospital; or why our best friend wont get out of her abusive relationship and is allowing a man to abuse her physically, mentally and emotionally because she doesn’t feel she deserves better. Again I ask “what about them?” They don’t see their futures as clearly as you do for yourself. Sometimes we have to help them remove the rose-colored glasses and replace them with clear bifocals! Help them see that the world is a much better place than the one she is living in now.

Imagine yourself in a dark room that has one window and no doors. Its cold with no blankets to keep you warm, no food to nourish you and keep you strong.  You can stand at the window and watch others moving through life as a spectator. This is exactly how someone who doesn’t know they have a future waiting for them feels. They are alone, their heart has turned cold due to the disappointment and discouragement and  the absence of the warmth that comes with truly loving themselves. There is no one around to encourage them or pour into them which becomes nourishment to help them reach a new level. Not only do we have to help them understand how important they are but we must understand how vital our roles are as a community. One word, one hug could possibly change someone’s life.

I entitled this entry “Moving Past our Past to get to our Future” because whether we want to believe it or not we need our past; and as I said earlier we are creating our “story” everyday we exist. It is so important for us to realize just how awesome and fabulous we are, men and women alike!  Even if mistakes have been made in the past by you or those who claimed to have loved you, Jesus Christ died so that we may live and live abundantly! He loves you so much and doesn’t want to see you living  a life below where you should be. Ask Him for forgiveness both for yourself and  those who may have hurt you. Holding on to your past is weighing you down and holding you in bondage.  Be free! Be swept up in His love and grace! He will fill the holes in your heart and strip every weight that is keeping your from your future!  That alone is enough to swing your legs over the bed and put a smile on your lovely face!

Today and everyday EXCEL in all that you do, LOVE harder than you normally would and EXPLORE new things!