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5 WAYS TO KNOW YOU’RE HEADED FOR DIVORCE.

I came across this show called Unfaithful : Stories of Betrayal  on OWN and was in shock at the transparency and honesty each couple displayed during each episode. Check out a clip below:

Watching this show I was amazed to see that many of the couples share the same exact issues. So with the numerous amount of friends and family that I have getting ready to tie the knot this and next year, I wanted to share with you 5 ways to know you are headed for divorce. Did you know that 50% of couples that walk down the aisle will get a divorce? 50%!! That number is WAY too high!! If marriage is supposed to be a ministry, I ask you, how are you setting an example for your friends and family who are looking to you to know what marriage is all about? If you are married, is how you and your husband are in public, how you behave at home? This (long ;)) post is to help you understand what things NOT to do in your marriage so that you do not become a statistic for divorce, but a statistic among successful marriages!

  1. YOUR SPOUSE IS NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND. This sounds simple enough. Every great marriage has a strong friendship as the foundation ; but this means so much more than just someone you share a laugh or two with occasionally. A lot of times we enter into our marriages already having 1 or 2 best friend(s) or even our parents are our BFF’s, but your friendship with your spouse MUST take precedent over any other human friendship. (I say human because God should be your 1st BFF ;)). In this case, you have to begin training yourself, friends and family members to understand who your new BFF is. Start sharing things with your spouse that you do not share with others. This helps to build a bond and intimacy among the both you, which also helps to create a trust worthy environment. If you are comfortable sharing everything with your spouse, you’ll be able to practice open and honest communication at all times. This comes with spending true, quality time with one another and constantly “dating”. Contrary to what anyone tells you, you NEVER stop dating and pursuing your spouse. Treat everyday like it is the first time you two have met. Now, I am not saying go into complete isolation and revolve your world around this one person LOL! But, you must understand the enemy does NOT like marriage, he will attack your union anyway that he can. You and your spouse are going to be the only two on the front lines of battle, the last mentality you want is “every man for himself” you too are in this together and need to treat your lives as such. {Genesis 2:24 – “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” }
  2. YOUR CHILDREN OR PETS HAVE SEEN YOU NAKED MORE THAN YOUR SPOUSE. Oh, yes I did LOL! How many times have you undressed or changed in front of your kids or the goldfish in your room?! Do you know that lack of intimacy among married couples is included in the top 5 reasons couples get a divorce? Intimacy does not always include sexual intimacy; it could be holding hands, hugging, kissing , spending quality time together etc.  Many of us respond to touch, feeling desired and wanted. We need to feel the touch of another human, especially our spouse. Think about it. We want a pat on the back for a job well done, a hug from a long lost family member, imagine going a long length of time without a touch from your spouse. This easily affects self-esteem and can cause division. Generally, couples who are involved in sexless marriages are not happy in their relationship, they have unmet needs. In a report, it was found that happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being.  During a 1993 study, it was found that people in sexless marriages were more likely to have considered divorce than those in sexually active marriages. When there is an unmet need, the enemy is cunning in using that as a way to cause division in the union. There is also a higher chance adultery will occur and you NEVER want your spouse to seek outside of your marriage to fill an unmet need. Keep the lines of communication open at all times and be honest with your spouse about what you need. {1 Corinthians 7:3-5 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.}
  3. YOU HIDE “PURCHASES” IN THE TRUNK OR THE CLOSET. Now if you are a serial “hider of purchases” you not only have a problem being honest with your spouse, but you also have issues being honest with yourself. Unless you purchased a gift as a surprise and needed to hide it, there is no reason to hide anything from your spouse. If you do not share your spending habits, you might be tempted to hide and shield other information from your spouse.  This is a habit you do not want to pick  up. Once again, being open and honest with your mate will prevent problems in the future. You NEVER want your spouse to discover something you have been hiding; be open to share at all times. “Purchases” can be anything from bags from bloomies to shielding who you  feel really are. Never hide behind who you think your spouse or anyone wants you to be or who you think your spouse wants. BE YOU! It will set you and your marriage free. {Proverbs 11:3 – The integrity of the honest keeps them on track; 
       the deviousness of crooks brings them to ruin.}
  4. YOUR FACEBOOK “FRIENDS” & TWITTER PEEPS LIKE YOU MORE THAN YOUR SPOUSE LIKES YOU. In a society where a lot of our time is spent on the internet and social networking it has become a full-time job to manage your social accounts! It is a world where we control how we are portrayed, we can say what we want, when we want it with hardly any repercussion. But when all of your energy is put into constantly communicating with people over the internet and portraying a life that you desire to have, you begin to form emotional connections and responsibilities to people and things that are not more important than channeling that same energy into your household. If you cannot go a full hour without checking your FB account, tweeting something, posting to Tumblr, recording a YouTube video, then I will pose to you that you may have a problem. Granted, I understand many people make a living off of social networking, there are many bloggers, Vloggers, and even businesses that are doing it big off of social networking,  but when it starts to follow you to the dinner table, or your in bed with your spouse updating your FB status or your quality time includes checking to see how many new followers you have, it’s becoming too much. There should always be a healthy balance of attention given to your spouse in your household. You must make time to ensure the same way you are building relationships across the net is the same way you are building up your marriage.  Bottom line, when it’s all said and done there will be one person standing by your side and you want them to know that they are valued and appreciated no matter what! Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. {Enjoy life with the wife /husband you love all the days of your fleeting life. ~ Ecclesiastes 9:9}
  5. YOU DON’T FORGIVE. This is plain and simple. Whenever we enter into a relationship, especially a marriage we have a habit of entering with  TON of expectations, some of them set VERY high. With extremely high expectations comes the possibility of disappointment, frustration and resentment. YOU MUST LEARN TO FORGIVE in a marriage. Your spouse is going to do something every single day that will hurt  you, disappoint you and may even shock and offend you, I guarantee it! But you MUST learn to forgive. Forgiveness is you allowing a wall to come down and for love, peace and communication to flow through. Forgiveness is essential to the growing of your marriage. Marriage is not easy and it will not always be a walk in the park. But it is the most rewarding experiences you will ever have as long as you are willing to work for it. The key word here…WORK! {Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9}

Feel free to share any advice you may have for our engaged and newlywed readers out there!! Leave a comment below or email me at watwldjennsay@aol.com!

Love Ya!

Peaches

EXCEL : LOVE : EXPLORE

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ARE YOU A 2AM FRIEND?

Is that picture NOT the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?! LOL! I’m not even sure if it has much to do with what I’m going to write about…I just love it!

So yesterday, I heard the phrase, “Are you a 2am friend?” and it stayed with me ALL day yesterday. I woke up this morning to a friend asking what happened to TRUE friendship and I started to think about that as well. I began to wonder what happened to those 2am friends? They come so few and far in between. So many of us have part-time friends who want us full-time and that just cannot be.   Don’t you remember growing up and not being able to be separated from your friend? You were more loyal to your friends than you were your family sometimes lol…what happened to that loyalty and unconditional love? The ability to share secrets and know they weren’t going any further than your lips and your friends ears? What happened to the honor, value and respect people once had for their friendships? When did it become more difficult to separate your friends from your enemies?

I’m sure you’re wondering, “what in the world is a 2am friend?” A 2am friend is a friend that is reliable, available whether it’s 8am, 12 noon or 2am. A friend that grows with you, challenges you when your wrong and celebrates your accomplishments. A 2 am friend and their love for you has all of the attributes of 1 Corinthians 13. You can even replace the word “love” with your friend’s name and see how they measure up:

 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

So how many 2am friends do you really have? Most importantly, can people consider you to be a 2am friend?

Some of us have friends we once considered to be 2am friends and somehow along the way, we were hurt and questioned the entire friendship off of one incident. “But Peaches, you don’t know what they did to me!! What kind of so-called friend hurts their friends? It’s hard to forgive…”

Trust me!! I know. I have had “friends” lie about me, spread rumors, say horrible things to my face, steal from me, talk about me behind my back and smile in my face. We have all been there, but I remind you of Jesus. How he sat at a table and broke bread just hours before He would be betrayed by someone that he considered a friend. You see, none of us have an idea of what kind of curve balls our friends will throw or how they are going to disappoint  or hurt us. It is the risk we take when building friendships. These friends are humans and with humans, there comes mistakes. Jesus KNEW His “friend”  was not going to be loyal and STILL forgave – So who are we that we cannot forgive. Jesus offered the perfect example of how to be a 2am friend – we have no excuse. I charge you today to forgive. You do not have to become friends and skip through a tulip field LOL that’s not what I’m saying. What I am saying is, you must forgive, move on and understand that everyone will not behave the way YOU expect them to. People will not always say the right things. People will not always do the right things. You can only be responsible for your maintaining your joy and having a positive attitude.

Everyone is not going to be a 2am friend; everyone is not cut out to be your best friend. You are going to have those friends you shop with, the friends you only text, your eating friends, etc. But there is going to be those friends that stand out. The ones that you know you can count on no matter what. The friends that always deliver and rarely disappoint. If you were stranded in the middle of a desert they would find a way to bring you home and have water for you when they get to you.

Let’s get back to being true friends to those around us. We throw the term “bestie” and “BFF” around so loosely that people are not understanding the value placed on these terms. Honor when your friends share personal news with you. How would you feel if you confided in someone and they turned around and spread your business? Let’s get back to being support systems and genuinely sharing in our friend’s good news and celebrations. Not because we want to be nosy or we are jealous and want to safe face but because we really love to see our friends filled with joy. Let’s get back to really praying for our friends and not starting “prayer calls” inviting others to “pray” for your friend.

Time for us to get back to being real 2am friends.

Love Ya!

Peaches

EXCEL : LOVE : EXPLORE